"i think this is too much"

I wasn't actively into neither blog writing nor blog walking, since past few months. My last entry was about a year ago! Don't know why, but yea, maybe I'm not kinda person who love to blogging. Only sometimes I did.

Today, apparently, I think I have to write. Sequencing to the tittle above, this entry emerge to be here because of I think I have to write because I know it is one of the best therapy to get heal of keeping a problem silently. Once, I was told that keeping a problem alone, will make you feel damn bad. You will be stressful, down, demotivated, unmanageable, and all sort of negative things. But, doesn't mean that we have to speak out around about what problem we're facing, but, if we tell to a trustful person or even write it out, I guess thats good enough to make us heal a bit. But, be careful, because not to all we could trust. As a Malay parable says, "Mulut Tempayan", which is lively happen in our community today, yes, they are around us.

Ok, back to the main point.

There are people who looks nice to us, but, talks about us behind. There are  people who treat us nicely, but they do that because of a reason, meaning not sincere enough. There are people who takes advantages from our kindness. I've been through quite horror time recently. Being damned (or oppressed, that is the best word suit) and being slandered. But apart of it, I learned not to trust people easily. The most annoying thing that I found is, the people who damn me seems like not tired to keep burn up the fire between us. That is totally rude and of cause - TOO MUCH! Also, the people never said the word "SORRY" to me, but yet, throwing provocation words. I made a decision to keep silent and set in mind that what past is past, also, I'd forgive for all the wrong and accept this as a fate set by Allah as written at the Luh Mahfuz. In the other words, meaning that, I'm redha. But still, the people seems like not respect me at all. Yes, this is too much! Don't you feel sorry with me even once?

The other thing that I stress with, others who are not supposedly being in the situation also interrupting and take part in spreading the story negatively. That is the most part I frustrated. I know, as my mom told me once, people will always looks for our bad even we did it once, but never remember the good things we did before. People also easily believing to negative things about someone without even figure out the true colors. Thanks mom, I understand it well now. And yea, I will never do anything to this kind of people, as I will always remember your words - "never make revenge every time you feel damn by anybody, just let Allah do that. He's know the best".

What I need to say here is, I can't stand this anymore. I got my own pride. I have my own right. People can't simply damn me. That's it.

I'm tired with all this.